Deep Calls To Deep

I painted this series, “Deep Calls to Deep,” in the middle of deep heartbreak and disappointment, but there in the depths God spoke to me tenderly.

In the middle of that breaking, I cried more tears than I ever had before, the kind where you wonder if you’ll ever catch your breath again. My heart would race in fear and dread at all the circumstances around me. I felt small, scared, inadequate, and absolutely terrified I’d fail at the moments it matters most. I was weary and my soul was tired.

My desperation led me to Jesus’ feet and He met me there. Every week I went to the studio to paint and all my insecurities, fears, sorrows, and hope were let out on canvas and paper. It wasn’t, but from heart palpitations due to stress it felt like my heart was going to give out and I was constantly crying out to God saying, “I feel like my heart can’t handle one more thing.” In the middle of the good days and bad days, God met me there and spoke to me through each painting, naming what it was I was going through and needed from Him, “The Sea of Grace, New Creation, Refuge, Let Your Heart Revive, Psalm 139:7, The Healer’s Robe, & Daniel 2:22.”

And God in His goodness and abundant mercy used every little bit of that season to heal me deeply, somehow more whole than before I broke, and yet still healing even now, made into something new. Only He can take our heartbreak, trauma, betrayal, and weakness and use it for good and glory. He made my barren wilderness of lack, need, want, and famine into the most fruitful season I’ve ever walked through. He did more in my heart in just a season than I’ve grown in years and by His strength I produced more art in 4 months than I normally have in 4 years. It was worth bearing that cross. It was worth laboring for. I wouldn’t change the story He’s writing. I’m thankful for His “no” to my hopes, dreams, and plans for my future that led me here.

He has continued that healing and brought me rest I deeply needed. He restored my joy, peace, and hope. He’s helping me grow to trust Him completely because I know now that He’s perfectly trustworthy. My future is full of uncertainty and yet I can rest in the perfect certainty that whatever comes the same God who carried me through all of this and provided for my every need will be the same forever and won’t ever leave.

If you’re in a hard season where you don’t know how you get there and you feel like you’re drowning in the waves, take heart, don’t give up, hold onto Jesus, He’s gonna get you through this I promise. Truly, He loves you and all the depths of His love and goodness are reaching for you as you find yourself struggling in your depths.