Trust Fall

I heard the Lord whisper in my heart last Sunday during worship, “Trust fall.”

It’d take a long story for another day to explain why I immediately knew exactly what the Lord meant to me personally, but I realized in that moment sometimes faith is a trust fall; sometimes we have to let ourselves free fall into Him knowing that the Everlasting Arms will catch us even though we can’t see it. It’s the surrender of knowing we can’t hold ourselves up but He can. It’s letting go of the fear of man to be so fully transfixed with His Face that those opinions don’t matter anymore when held up to what He has spoken.

For many years, some deep church hurt as a teenager led to me avoiding being involved in being on a worship team again. I decided singing just wasn’t my gift, and I’d quite honestly rather hide in some back room somewhere and worship in the quiet than ever be heard or seen on a stage. I was convinced I’m disqualified from being in front of anyone or leading in that way in church and after everything I honestly wanted no part of it ever again.

I’m actually not entirely sure how I ended up back singing on a worship team again other than I knew God asked me to; I didn’t want to do it, but I was willing to obey Him if He’d asked. Some combination of encouragement from the people around me, going so far as to offer to speak to the worship pastor for me, and the Holy Spirit somehow making my feet walk up to my pastor with no intention of saying a word and the words somehow coming out of my mouth that “I’d like to sing” and somehow despite no part of me wanting to show up for an audition, there I was, somehow still carried by Him.

I’ve struggled a long time to sing, my anxiety, fear, and hurt would make my voice and my breath catch somewhere in my throat. Holding it all back, I was far more likely to hit the wrong notes or have my voice crack simply because I was afraid of my voice being heard. I was so concerned about how I sound, or what if I got it wrong, that I was missing the whole point entirely.

Whether on stage or alone in my room, whether painting or writing or just washing the dishes, all of this is for His glory. It was never about me or what people think, and I pray I get totally out of the way so it’s all Him and only Him.

I’m still convinced I haven’t the slightest clue how to write, how to sing, or how to paint, but somehow when I trust fall into Jesus He makes something beautiful out of my weakness; somehow He takes all my “not enough” and makes it enough. I can’t do those things in my strength, but I can show up to love Jesus in the ways He wants me to love Him and trust He’ll delight in the gifts I lay at His feet.

If it all fails in weakness, perhaps that was just me and my flesh, but if it succeeds, if you somehow glimpse glory in it, it was all Him.

So I’m learning how to trust fall on Him, the only One Who is completely and absolutely Trustworthy. To let my voice be heard not because it’s very strong or anywhere near perfect, but because I know the God who makes the birds sing can carry the melody when I can’t. I can paint that blank canvas with no clue what it’s gonna be knowing that if I do it for Him, no matter what at least–which is really the very most–the King of Kings and Lord of Lords delights in me and the weakness and “not enough” that I offer to Him.

So here I am, broken for Him, given, and I know somehow He will do what only He can in me and through me because I can’t do any of this without Him; I don’t want to do any of this without Him.

So I invite you with me to trust fall into Jesus. To give Him your everything and all the things you feel aren’t enough or you’re the most scared to step into. He takes the five loaves and two fish, breaks it, and feeds 5,000 somehow leaving behind 12 baskets of leftovers. He is always more than enough and nothing is impossible with Him.

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10